Comments on: How To End Needless Suffering

By: Tristan

Tristan — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 10:38:25 +0000

Thanks Bruce…. will check it out now. I watched half of your TedTalk the other day… still got second half to watch… but it was very inspiring, what I watched! Good on you dude!
Tristan

By: Bruce Muzik

Bruce Muzik — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 21:04:51 +0000

In reply to Tristan.

Hi Tristan,

Hy heart goes out to you, my friend. You may benefit from listening to the interview I did here: https://www.staging.brucemuzik.com/blog/relationship-breakup-coach/

Bruce

By: Tristan

Tristan — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 09:22:10 +0000

Hi Bruce

Interesting distinctions and as you are all aware, saying something and doing it are two very different things.

The Buddha said that suffering is inevitable and the origin of that is attachment. He also said that life is suffering. Learning non attachment is a journey, not a destination….

The first noble truth…

To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

So learning to let go of the pillow, as you said, is the path to end suffering. I have recently read ‘Make Up, Don’t Break Up’ A MUST READ for everyone in a relationship or going through suffering/ pain from a relationship. It’s all about patterns and letting go of those in the context of learning within a relationship. A game changing book!

Good luck everyone. My girlfriend ended our relationship this weekend. We split up once before, a few years ago (for 3 years). I was about to book my flight to India when an email popped into my inbox today asking me to stay because she recognised she was… well, to put it mildly, a large part of the problem.

It’s all learning and growth… enjoy!!
Tristan
http://www.TristanSoames.com

By: Bruce Muzik

Bruce Muzik — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:31:52 +0000

In reply to Christa Herzog.

Hi Christa,

Good point… and the physical side is a function of the mental-emotional side (to use your language).

When you deal with the mental-emotional component of a breakup, the physical pain disappears – instantly.

Bruce

By: Christa Herzog

Christa Herzog — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 20:45:16 +0000

Very well explained that what counts is the NOW. With a breakup one has 2 problems to solve. The mental and the physical side o it. You talked about the mental side. But the difficult thing about a breakup is a hormone, which drops down and this hurts physically. Testosterone helps, but I would not advice woman to take testosterone pills. The pain can stay for months and we women can’t do very much about it, except going out and try to have fun.

By: reynan asuncion

reynan asuncion — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 13:00:20 +0000

Thank you so much Sir Bruce!

By: James

James — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 12:18:16 +0000

Hi Bruce & All,

‘A relationship is about saying goodbye’ they all end and begin, and so it’s up to us how well we would like to say ‘goodbye’ and how loving we want to be during the ‘goodbye process’ or ‘the relationship’ be it work, clients, loved ones etc.

Love, GJ.

By: Anna Michelle

Anna Michelle — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 08:24:43 +0000

Hi Bruce,
I want to say thank you for your powerful insights. “Opening your heart, even in the face of pain…” This is beautifully said. I remember when my significant other broke up with me, it left me with a hole in heart that refused to heal. I blamed myself for the unraveling of my relationship. And I was still reliving the past with such denial that my vision had become distorted. I had to learn that even though it may seem like a dark time and everything is against you, it doesn’t mean that it is the end of the world or the end of you. There is a saying. Time heals all wounds. But you have to allow it to first. I’m so grateful for your helpful wisdom.

By: Janet

Janet — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 06:11:48 +0000

Hi Bruce: I just watched your video and just wanted to say that it didn’t make me feel any better at all. I am not in a relationship and I have not recently broke up from one, it has been at least 7 years since my break up and it was a very hard one to get over at that time but I am definately over it and wondered why it took so long, oh and it didn’t take 7 years but it seemed like it at that time. I know you are trying to help people but what you are saying is easier said than done because if it was that easy everyone would be doing it. Just one last thing I found it rather depressing on how many times you told people they were going to die, you mentioned it quite a few times and I think we all know that it is inevitable but would prefer not to think about it. I wish I could have said it was helpful and I hope you don’t think what I am writing is rude because it is not meant to be just an observation and my opinion….Thank you.

By: Bruce Muzik

Bruce Muzik — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 01:22:54 +0000

In reply to Julia K. Thanks Julia. I know what you mean by them being a full-time job to work through sometimes. In retrospect, I can't be anything but grateful for my last 2 breakups (both with the same woman). We've both grown from them so much and ironically the growth is what has us back together again.