Comments on: How To Break Your Negative Relationships Patterns

By: Katherine Edmiston

Katherine Edmiston — Sat, 25 Jun 2022 03:34:54 +0000

Isolator with Fusers/ Fuser with Isolators. Anxious/disorganized attachment profile

By: Jack

Jack — Sat, 30 Aug 2014 13:43:33 +0000

ISOLATOR! I am currently reading DR. Hendrix’s book, “Getting The Love You Want” at the request of my current girlfriend (fuser). How utterly sad am I to realize this life altering information 5 years too late- I walked out of a 10 year relationship with the love of my life (also a fuser),an amazing woman I have loved for 30 years. While I am a firm believer that, everything happens for a reason, I am certain, we would have been able to save our relationship with the tools in Dr. Hendrix’s book. She was more than willing but, I was caught up in feeling controlled and thus, I ran away…

By: Bruce Muzik

Bruce Muzik — Sun, 05 May 2013 17:51:50 +0000

In reply to Adam. Adam, we can play either end of the Isolator/Fuser attachment style spectrum, depending on the person we are with and depending on the stage of relationship we are in. However, we will mostly default to one way of relating more than another. Often, when falling in love (aka The Romance Stage of relationship), we show our partner the opposite i.e. If we are a Fuser, when falling in love we can often display Isolator traits and vice versa. It's only when we hit the Power Struggle Stage of relationship (that often coincides with one or both partners perceiving the relationship to be permanent) that our attachment style begins to show up.

By: Adam

Adam — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 07:54:53 +0000

In reply to Jenna. Baloney. Speaking from nauseating experience, a person CAN BE BOTH an isolator AND a fuser, just not simultaneously. The woman that I married 18 years ago, was DEFINATELY a fuser and I was an isolator. She tried incessantly to keep me close, wanting most, if not all of my free time solely for her. I felt cramped, trapped and a need for some independence. Two years ago, we did a role reversal, in which I quit my job outside the house, so that I could work at home and home school our two daughters. My fuser wife just graduated college and was going to start her new career. I suddenly found myself starving for my wife attention and affection. She suddenly found herself in a new, exciting career and found me and the children, a complete drag or "ball and chain" if you will. The more that I pulled, the more that she pushed. We are still together (barely) but we are working on it... and YES, I am currently reading Hendrix's book, GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT. I pray to God that it helps our marriage. I love my wife and do not want to lose her.

By: Jenna

Jenna — Sat, 23 Jun 2012 19:12:12 +0000

I don’t think it’s possible to be both an Isolator and a Fuser. This does not make any sense to me. I think that we are either one or the other. However, when a fuser has had enough & cannot continue he/she thus becomes distant (a tendency of an isolator) the Isolator panics and suddenly remembers and misses being loved and thus becomes the pursuer (a tendency of a fuser). Once he wins his love back, he is again ready to continue his life as an isolator. He never becomes a fuser.

He wants someone in his life but he also wants his space.

She, as the fuser may be exhausted from dealing with the withdrawals and distance her partner repeatedly requires but once given a dose of assurance and love, she once again has the energy to continue in the relationship. Though she shows a tendency of an isolator by distancing herself, she never becomes an isolator.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 06:40:14 +0000

I’m an isolator. I could not get far away enough from my parents and family to do what I wanted, to think the way I chose. But also because I felt criticized and inadequate in their eyes. I have mostly attracted relationships that made me feel that I wasn’t enough too(who knows what they were struggling with). I would withdraw when seriousness in the relationship started or marriage was spoken.

How does one heal from feeling inadequate and cease attracting people who treat you that way?

By: Carla

Carla — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 07:16:40 +0000

In reply to SG. "Screw it, let's do it." Richard Branson

By: Rosanna

Rosanna — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 02:21:34 +0000

I tend to be more of an isolator in every day life but when I go into saving the relationship I become a fuser.
I think my last relationship ended because I tried so hard to save the relationship (with a fuser) that when he started talking nonsense (ie ideas that I couldn’t even consider debating) I felt like “oh well, I tried, this time it’s your turn to accommodate me” and he didn’t.
Anyway, I’m a pretty independent person but I also love interactions and deep, connected relationships with friends. In fact, I don’t think my ex is capable of what I want out of a relationship of any sort.

By: SG

SG — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 05:15:33 +0000

I’m an isolator with a fuser and a fuser with an isolator.
Yes, I’m screwed.

By: Christine

Christine — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 04:16:37 +0000

Hi Bruce,

I find that I tend to have traits of both Fuser as well as Isolater however I’m more a fuser in my current relationship..

It certainly puts some light on the strains we have been having so I will purchase this book.

You have truly contributed to my life positively over these past few months.

Love & thanks
C